.

Back in '05 when I lived in the Little White House where I got west nile that resulted in my mental blowout that tossed me to the curb, right out of my own life, resulting in my current state of unemployment and general cluelessness but only in the physical realm,


I had all of my old journals safely hidden away in a fireproof document box that I had stolen from my dad a long time ago, all my notes and ramblings and ripped up journals were inside, and I planned on never opening the box ever again, in fact when I moved to the Little White House Where Infected Mosquitoes Dwelt, I locked said box and threw away the key,


...and buried it, in my back yard, among the row of Junipers that I planted, pretty li'l bushy evergreens that I hoped would grow fast, to hide my yard and cover up the hideous view that tormented me: a tractor, some logs, and a spiral staircase, laying flat on it's side. I was going to leave the box buried there in an effort to leave it all behind, that is until one night when my daughter's boyfriend came over and he had had a dream about Jesus, and he was sort of upset about some things and had some questions, so I asked him to help me dig up my box so I could read him my story, it took a while to dig it up, I held the flashlight and he dug, he was laughing and wondering what on earth does this have to do with anything, and I was like, just keep digging. Then he finally got to it and we got it up and I unwrapped it, it stank, even though I had it all wrapped in trash bags,



...and I read him my story that night, and he accepted Christ. It was a really cool evening. And so, this got me to thinking, maybe I shouldn't have it buried? So I re-wrote it and condensed it and tweaked it and expanded it and made it just right (when I say tweaked I don't mean I lied about anything, I just made it flow better.) And that got the ball rolling in a wild and wooly direction, I started sharing it, and then all these things started happening, it was amazing, and long story short it all snowballed out of control until I landed here, in this very spot, with a laptop and no job, typing, telling you, whoever takes the time to read, what happened to me.




I sort of had to lean on a lot of people during the past year, but mainly God. When I was still on the seizure meds, about a month after it all happened (mental blowout), I had a brief vision of being held up by an angel, I was completely limp, and the angel stood right behind me with his/her arms wrapped around me, holding me in an upright position, and I was reminded of God's promise to me: "I will lift you up, I will lift you up.." Which turned out to be something completely different than what I thought He meant by that. As it turns out, all this time I've been writing, this past year, and I thought I was just getting it all out, not realizing what I was doing... but it's all come together, and it looks like I've accidentally started something. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIG UP THINGS THAT WERE BURIED????? Oh and I forgot to say, it was funny how I got the box open, I used a screwdriver and a rock. I'm sort of butch like that.

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on...






Just to come clean on my ultimate mission, so I don't feel so shady, I do aim to win souls for His Kingdom, and I'll never stop. I was shown in a vision in '05 a glass container, and beautiful gold round things were dropping in, one by one, and God said that they were markers for the souls that are being won ... yeah people, He's keeping track! Everything we do for him! So keep going already! EVERYTHING MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!






But then again there's days when I wish something would just come along and wipe me out and take me on home. And that's all I know for now.

...don't put me back under the Law.

Back in the mid-90's, a friend of mine had a mother in law who
was veering away from Christianity and getting all into Jewish
traditions, Hebrew studies & what-not.
Good stuff to learn about, for sure. Biblical history is fascinating.
But she was starting to go overboard. Having Sabbath dinners,
observing Jewish holidays, etc.
She's not Jewish.

I was invited to her home once for "Bible study". Turned out to
be more of a Torah study. I sat there and listened to her. She
said this was a "grass roots movement", that when Christ
returns, the temple procedures/animal sacrifices, etc will be re-
instated. I guess she wanted to get a head start or something.

Christians going back under the Law.

Does it make them feel holy and righteous? Her son, who was a
friend, was also starting to get into it. He said to me one time
when I asked him about it, "Look at it this way, are you going to
worship the Father, or the sacrifice? Jesus was the sacrifice."
I stared at him in disbelief. And these were people that we had
met at church. A small, Bible-believing, Jesus-loving, pure and
simple congregation. And now he was standing there, insulting
Christ.

He also quoted the passage where Jesus says, "Do not think
that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come
to abolish, but to fulfill." The friend then said that this meant,
Jesus came to live out the Law and promote it and that we
should too.

Not so! I shot back at him and said that he was twisting
Scripture. The first part is true, because the Law was still in
effect while Jesus lived, because He had not yet been sacrificed!
Then I said to him, "Fulfill means to complete. Jesus Christ
COMPLETED the Law."
And then I said, if God were to speak to you right now on this
topic, He might say something like this:
"Look at this BEAUTIFUL thing I have done. Look at what I have
COMPLETED. From start to finish."

It's true. The Law is still God's Law. It is just as true
today as it was then. BUT~ Jesus has taken the place for us. His
death cancels our sin and what we owe. God knew from the very
beginning that it was impossible for a human being to follow it
perfectly.

Jesus came to LIVE OUT and COMPLETE the Law. It is finished.
The rules have not changed. Our punishment has. We are
absolved through the shedding of His blood. He is the Lamb
without spot or blemish.



...don't denomination me.

Recently a friend & I went to this church to see a speaker. We both
wondered aloud what kind of church it was. I grabbed a bulletin,
and saw what kind of church we were in. My friend asked if that was
bad, I said, no, they're just off.

I got into it, explaining the
whole thing, and she kept going "sshhhh!"
I have a tendency to get a little bit worked up sometimes.

We ended up getting up & leaving, before the thing even began.
And we laughed the whole way back. It spawned the best
conversation ever, we talked about all things false and untrue
(my fave topic) and she had some really good points. We were
talking about salvation, how you can really tell what a church is
made of by finding out what they believe about it. Is it faith, or
works? She said, how greedy is it when people strive to earn
their salvation. I didn't get what she meant. She said, if it were
based on works, then people would have their own selves in
mind when they serve God, their own salvation, and their eye
would be on the reward in heaven. I never looked at it like that
before. She's right.
We were both brought up Catholic. Need I say more?
This is
what I was reading today:

Matthew 23:4~12
And they tie up heavy loads, and lay them on men's shoulders;
but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much
as a finger. But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for
they broaden their phylacteries, and lengthen the tassels of their
garments. And they love the place of honor at banquets, and the
chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the
market places, and being called by men Rabbi. But do not be
called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.
And do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your
Father, He who is in heaven. And do not be called leaders; for
One is your Leader, that is, Christ. But the greatest among you
shall be your servant. And whoever exalts himself shall be
humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.
And this is Jesus Himself talking! How cool is that! He's all, get
off your high horse. Those called to leadership positions need to
do so in humility and reverence to God, and with no shady
motives.

I will not go to a church where the leaders exalt themselves as
kings. I will not go to a church where I am told to confess my sin
to another human being. I will not honor or pray to the mother
of our Lord. It appears that Mary was very humble. Very
little is mentioned about her. Even the angels in heaven refuse
to be honored, why then do we attempt to pray to or give honor
to a human?

So many denominations. Clubs for Christians, that's what they
are.

Give me His Word, and His Word alone. Give me a church that
says, ok, this is who we are. We love God, we believe and read
His Word. Come on in, let's worship Him together. Brother Zeke
will be doing the reading today, and Sister Eunice has a story to
tell. Claude! Get up here with your banjo, let's jam!
...or something like that.
Ephesians 2:8~9
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of
yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no
one should boast.
We serve Him because we love Him, and it's the right thing to
do. But salvation is an entire different thing. Thank God! This is
why ANYONE can come to Him, no matter where you're at in life.
He loves us all SO MUCH! In this cold dark messed up world, how
can you not want to receive His love? It's the only thing that will
never let you down, and it's big, and it's warm, and comforting,
and it's REAL. Don't tell me His grace isn't sufficient. I lived it.
I owe Him my life.